Dear ‘Umar (9 – 10 Months)

I’ve been meaning to do this for awhile now, but just never got around to it. Nabila (you still out there dear?) mentioned this on her blog some time back, and I agreed with her then that mommy bloggers writing letters to their little ones is just such a great idea. So here goes, my first attempt.

Dear ‘Umar,

This is Ibu’s first blog letter to you sayang… inshaAllah, the first of many.

You are 9 and a half months turning 10 months old now, and I have to say, this is a very eventful time in our lives. With all the new things that you are learning each and every day, your smartness and your mobility, and your lovely little personality emerging, Ibu now realise you are no longer a little baby, but slowly becoming little boy…

You have been so busy lately… so active. This month, you learnt to crawl. It didn’t seem very long ago when you hated being on your tummy and would cry because you could neither turn onto your back, nor hold your head up any longer. Now you chase Ibu around the house on all fours, tugging Ibu’s skirt asking to be carried. Cos while you are learning how to go further and further away from Ibu, you are also more clingy than usual. Ibu was puzzled at first, cos you have never been a clingy baby, always happy, always fearlessly exploring, until recently.

Then Ibu found out that you are now just learning how big the world can be, as you crawl around on all fours from the living room to the kitchen, looking behind the refrigerator, turning over dustbins. Ibu try to look at the world from your point of view, and realise it must be exciting, yet scary at the same time. So Ibu try to reassure you every time you come crawling back to Ibu… that its ok, go ahead, its safe.. I’m here watching out for you. Umar sayang, Ibu feel so proud at how you are growing so quickly and confidently, and Ibu hopes and prays that you will grow up always looking back and Ibu and Ayah for reassurance, and that we will always be here supporting and guiding your every step inshaAllah…

We also found out you love climbing stairs and ladders, much to everyone’s delight (which I am sure will be shortlived, cos soon you will learn what great fun the stairs at home bring, and we will all be scrambling to keep you away from it). The first time we allowed you to, you climbed an entire flight of stairs so quickly it looked like you were born with it. Maybe you will grow up climbing rock walls like Ayah, cos stairs are just too easy peasy for you ay?

You also started swimming lessons this month. Ayah and Ibu were not sure you would like it, but it turns out you loved every single minute of the class, and swimming is now the highlight of the week for our little family. Your eyes will light up as soon as you are in the water… and Ibu love watching you and Ayah sing and play and laugh together.

My baby Umar, after a whole day of busyness and activity, do you know what is your favourite winding down routine? Its also what Ibu love best about you and am cherishing every day because I know that this special thing we share has an expiry date. Our end of the day nursing and cuddling in bed. When I don’t have to worry about you exploring and getting into trouble, cos you are right there in my arms, calm, quiet, and so attentive. I love the way you look at Ibu when you nurse… the way your little fingers stray to Ibu’s neck, playing with the diamond pendant that Ayah gave to Ibu on our wedding day. I love the way your fingers reach up to touch Ibu’s mouth, nose and eyes… like you are trying to memorise every feature on Ibu’s face.

Oh Ibu have to get back to work now, cos lunch time is almost over. On a parting note, for this first letter, Ibu want you to know something… Having you has made Ibu and Ayah see life through a whole different perspective. The most important thing you have taught us is the value of time. If we didn’t have you, the months would’ve passed by without us even noticing it. It’ll be “just another year”, but having you is like having a human calendar. Ibu and Ayah sees days pass by with every new sound you learn to make… we notice weeks pass by every time we realise your clothes don’t fit any longer, and we feel months pass by with every tooth cutting its way out (yes you grew your first two little tooths this month!). You remind Ibu and Ayah that we are not getting any younger…

“Lose no time to do good deeds before you are caught up by one of seven calamities awaiting you: a starvation which may impair your wisdom; a prosperity which may mislead you; an ailment which may damage your health; an old age which may harm your senses; a sudden death; the Dajjal; or Doomsday, which is indeed the hardest and most bitter.” ~ Prophet Muhammad SAW (at-Tirmidhi, al-Baihaqi)

So my little darling… Thank you for the reminders. Every day, Ibu thank Allah for bringing you into our lives, and Ibu dua that Allah guides us through each of your developmental milestone, and celebrate each one with much gratefulness and prayer. When you learn how to pick up the little stars and squares of your shape sorter and put them through the right hole, Ibu will dua that you will match each problem of the ummah with a solution. When you climb those ladders and stairs, Ibu will dua that you will always strive to the top, to try your best in anything that you do, in the cause of Allah and His pleasure. When you learn to read your first word, Ibu will dua that you use your knowledge to improve the lives of the needy around you, economically, and spiritually… Ameen!

That’s all for now, counting down the hours till I see you again love!

P.S. Would you please just sleep a little bit more please?

 

The Task of Sleep-Training

[This is not so much a reflection, so its going to be a very boring post unless you are sleep-training your baby too. Its more a note to self, for my own records and memories.]

I don’t think my parents were ever bothered by this thing called “sleep-training”. These days, my peers talk about sleep-training, and ask each other which technique works. After a short-lived period of baby Umar sleeping through the night, we tried to sleep-train Umar using the Hoggs method to some degree of success when he was 5 months, determined to help my little boy learn good sleeping habits, but abandoned all efforts after we went on holiday, cos Umar got upset with the unfamilar environment and demanded being nursed to sleep. That, coupled with my working-travelling-mother’s guilt, I gave in and eventually accepted night feedings as part of my life as a mommy. I took Umar to the bed with me from when he first wakes up for a feed at 3am, and keep him by my side till the sun comes up. I was quite happy for awhile, and in fact celebrated the fact that the middle-of-the-night nursings increased my milk supply.

But recently, I’ve been feeling VERY burned out. My little darling has been waking up every hour from 11pm onwards (he goes to bed at about 9.30pm). And I mean EVERY hour. Every time he woke up, he would cry and cry and went back to sleep only if I nurse him for all of 3 mins. Even though we co-sleep and I go back to sleep as soon as I latch him on, the fact remains that me and my little nursling have been getting poor sleep, and I have trouble being alert and productive during the day. Umar is a poor napper too, only taking two or three short 20min naps during the day. My poor helper… how she gets any work done at all is beyond me. I read that its his age… between 8 – 11 months, separation anxiety is at its peak, and his new-found mobility also makes it difficult for him to go back to sleep by himself. He reminds me of a cat now.. the moment he wakes up, he springs up on all fours, even with his eyes still closed. He no longer sleeps in his cot either, since we converted it to a playpen for safety reasons. The mattress is lowered now and he haaaaates it. I swear its a bad idea; with his separation anxiety, can you imagine how the world must look like from his point of view in that cot? It must seem lonely and everyone is so far away!

My own frustration with the hourly night feeds led to my decision to start sleep-training again. While some experts say I shouldn’t even bother at his age cos of the separation anxiety, I decided to try my own personal way. As they say, no single sleep strategy is effective with every baby — you’ll have to get to know your child, be flexible, and figure out what works for you. So I’m in the process of figuring it out.

I have decided two things (1) I want to wean him off night feedings to help him learn how to soothe himself to sleep and (2) I will abandon all efforts of putting him in the cot cos it just elevates his separation anxiety and makes him more irritable. So my “deal” with Umar is: “You get to sleep with Ibu on the bed, but no feeding to sleep.” I told him about this deal.. and I’d like to believe he understands me. Whether he cooperates or not is another story.

And I will tell you the story. The first night was horrible. I nursed him first, and then we did the usual routine of reading his favourite books. When the bedtime reading was over, he started trashing himself around me, which is his usual cue for nursing. I ignored it, and picked him up instead to rock him to sleep. When he realised he “wasn’t getting any” he started throwing a crying fit. No matter what I did, rock, zikr, sing… he just screamed his head off. At this point, my hardworking husband D, who was already asleep, told me to give it up. I refused to, and went over to my helper’s room to pass Umar to her, since I know he has learnt to associate me with nursing. He stopped screaming, but looked at me in confusion. I spoke to him gently saying that if he doesn’t want to sleep with Ibu, then he will sleep with Bibik. He was very quiet, and maybe a little confused, cos he never sleeps with Bibik unless Ibu is travelling.

My helper carried him around the house to rock him to sleep but he was still wide-eyed when I checked on him 30mins later. I asked him if he wanted to come back to sleep with Ibu.. and he held out his hand. I took him back to the room and started rocking him to sleep. The screaming and crying fit started again. By this time my husband has gotten up and is reading emails. I put Umar down on the empty bed and left him trashing around for 1 min while I stood and watched. Then I went to lie down beside him and he was quiet. He fussed and tried to sleep.. before the crying resumed and again he wanted to nurse. I got up and left him on the bed again. The cries escalated and I went back to him after a min (can’t stand the sound of him crying really!).. and he quietened immediately. He no longer looked for the breast… but was whimpering like saying “ok ok just stay here with me”. I patted and zikr-ed him to sleep. He slept through from 12 midnight (yes it was that late!) to 4am. That was the first night.

The second night was much better alhamdulillah. Again, after his last nursing and bedtime reading, I spoke to him gently, explaining that I want to help him learn how to fall asleep by himself, but both Ayah and Ibu will be right here sleeping next to him, so there’s no need to worry. He seems to understand better.. he trashed around the bed with his sleepy lolling head, but no tears. At some point, I gave him a few sips of water, which I always fnd helpful cos like adults, they get thirsty too, and its not always milk they want. He smiled after a drink, like a smile of relief.. I could read the “alhamdulillah!” in his eyes! Then he tried to nuzzle against me for nursing again but when I patted him with zikr instead he looked at me with a solemn face and crawled away around the bed again.. as if trying to comfort himself. Finally, he came back next to us to lie down, and he let me pat and zikr him to sleep. It took only an hour in all, compared to over 2hrs the night before. He slept from 10.30pm to 4am woooohooo!

The third night, last night, lasted even shorter. Only half hour! He nuzzled against me after his bedtime reading, but when I ignored and just patted him, he crawled around the bed, threw his little body on my tummy, then on Ayah’s tummy. Closed his eyes, tried to sleep, then got up on all fours again. He nuzzled against me repeatedly, trying to soothe himself to sleep… So manja! D and I just pretended to be asleep, and when he’s not looking, we smile at each other watching the antics of our 9 month old trying to find a comfortable position between us both. When he finally went to sleep at 10.30pm, we tucked him under the sheets between us, and he slept through to 3am… whee alhamdulillah, my smart little boy seems to getting the hang of it.. and is sleeping much better now. Pray this lasts!

 

The Task of Breastfeeding (Cont)

I promised I would continue from my previous post on the Task of Breastfeeding.. so here goes.

I re-read my previous post and I realised that while its impossible to write about everything there is to learn about mothering a little baby, I daresay most of what I knew, I learnt from being a breastfeeding mom. For me it was more than just a way of feeding my baby… it was about learning to be a mother from understanding, and responding, to the needs of my little ‘Umar. I read somewhere that Mothering is a learned skill and your baby is the best teacher you could have. There could not be a better advice. I realised that as I learned to respond to little Umar’s needs, my baby learns to trust that his needs will be met… and grew to be a contented little person. A quote from “The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding”:

Mothering is not something you can learn from a book. We can tell you, for instance, that most babies like the secure feeling of being snugly wrapped up and cuddled. We can tell you that at about three months, most babies like company. They like to be propped up in the midst of family. Instead of wanting to be fed and cuddled, what they often want is just to be sociable. These may be perfectly true for many babies – but YOUR newborn may prefer to have his arms and legs free, or YOUR three- month-old maybe be overstimulated by too much activity and end up feeling miserable. You have to be sensitive to the individual needs of your own baby. The sensitivity that helps you do the right thing at the right time comes from knowing your baby. It develops as you spend time with him, but it develops more quickly, and to a greater degree, if you are nursing your baby. The very closeness and intimacy of breastfeeding gives you a quicker and surer perception of the feelings and needs of this tiny person, and help you know how to meet them.”

I miss him as a little baby....

This time, I want to write more from the angle of practical tips that will help you get through the first month as a breastfeeding mom. The early days and weeks of caring for your little nursling is not only a very special time of adjustment, but a very crucial time to establish the nursing relationship. There’s alot to be learnt but I want to highlight the ones that are not so intuitive, and is not stressed upon enough by well-meaning friends and relatives who may not have been fully-breastfeeding moms. For Enah, my sis in law Su, this is for you both.. the things I wish I knew, when I needed it:

(1) Check for special situations such as flat or inverted nipples, and find out what you need to pay special attention to for these situations.

(2) Bring your baby to the breast if possible within the first hour after birth. The sooner you put your baby to the breast, the better. Most babies are ready and eager to nurse within the first hour, and the suckling reflex of a fullterm healthy newborn is usually at a peak about 20 – 30mins after he is born, provided he is not drowsy from drugs used during labour. If this prime time is missed, the baby’s suckling reflex may be less acute later. Because of my caesarean delivery, I only managed to nurse Umar 2 hours after his birth, and he was not so eager maybe due to the epidural. But we had our first successful nursing session a few hours later. Nurse brought him to me when he was still calm, instead of waiting for him to cry, so he was not impatient and slowly took his time to latch-on. The feeling during the first nursing was absolutely incredible. Yes it wasn’t easy getting him to latch on, and my arms were aching holding my 3.7kg baby in a football hold, barely 5 hrs after surgery… but I felt like I could fly…… must be all the oxytoxin (happy hormones) at work.

(3) Be prepared to nurse baby frequently the first few days, and expect your ‘real milk’ to ‘come in’ only on baby’s 3rd or 4th day. You won’t see or feel your milk immediately after you deliver, which is what I expected! Baby actually has enough reserves to last him a couple of days after birth… but the first few days of frequent nursing are crucial to (a) help him learn how to latch on properly, (b) stimulate your milk production like crazy (so yes, the frequent need to feed for a breastfed baby is by Allah’s grand design.. pls pls dun subject ur baby to scheduled 3hr feeds.. that only applies to bottle-fed babies).. and (c) most importantly, help him get the nutritious colostrum (sticky, white substance) that is sooo crucial for baby’s immunity in his first few days of life. You will likely never see how this colostrum look like, but rest assured, if you are feeding your little one on demand the first day or two, he is getting the best food ever. Don’t let anyone tell you that you need some “help” with formula. Allah has designed our bodies to produce what our little one needs.

(4) Inform hospital staff that you intend to fully breastfeed. If baby is not rooming in with you, the nursery will put a special tag on his cot that says “I’m fully breastfed”, or something similar, will ensure they bring baby to you when he wakes up for his night feed. Refuse all helpful suggestions of “you need some rest, perhaps you can partially breastfeed for the first few days”. The first few days are crucial, and I can’t stress that enough.

(5) Burping is not always necessary. You will inevitably have an elder who will tell you to burp you little nursling. Burping is not as necessary for breastfed babies as it is for bottle-fed babies. The reason is that bottle-fed babies swallow alot of air during feeding, and hence need to be burped. Breastfed babies do too, especially if they are crying before the feed, or if the mother’s milk supply is so plentiful it makes baby gulp during a feed. If your baby falls asleep during a feed, there is no need to wake him up by burping him… cos it will only make him want to feed again and the whole cycle begins alllll over again. Umar regurgitated quite abit in his first month, and the most useful tip I received was to hold/put him in an inclined position (like on a pillow) so that the milk settles, before burping him.

(6) Meet all your baby’s suckling needs at the breast. This means no water, no pacifiers, no bottles (even if its expressed breast milk). Its all about demand and supply… Allah has designed for a little baby to want to suckle all the time, so that he gets the warmth and comfort of his mother, and also help stimulate the mother’s milk production.

(7) Try different nursing positions. Depending on you and your baby, there is no one recommended position. See Happygrub’s entry for a some very useful examples. Personally, as a caesarean mommy, I don’t know how I would have survived without the lying down position, which is made more comfortable with pillows tucked between my legs.

(8) Invest in a good double pump and express as much as you can during the first month whe you milk is plentiful. This applies to working moms only. Once u have settled into your routine at home, its a good idea to start “practice pump”. The first few sessions will yield very little milk, but don’t worry, you get more skilled with time. The first few months is the best time to build your stock so that you won’t have to worry when you go back to work. There is no such thing as an empty breast, the more often you completely remove milk from the breast the more you will produce, so don’t worry about not having enough for your baby if you express in between feeds. I usually feed on one side and express on the other. When I’m done expressing, I put aside the pump and put baby on the breast that I just expressed from, so he can “empty the breast”. [Note: Don’t pump when you are suffering from sore nipples… feed your baby as often as you can instead

(9) What you express is NOT an indication of what your baby is getting. Many moms feel insecure about whether their baby is getting enough. Don’t worry, your baby is getting much more than what expressing would yield. Your baby is the best pump on the market!

(10) Last but not least, babies cry all the time, and if offering the breast doesn’t work, there is always another reason. The commonest reason when you feel that you are having insufficient milk is because your baby cries a lot. I feel sorry for any mother who is made to feel this way by those around her, cos ultimately it undermines her confidence in her ability to breastfeed. Babies cry for many reasons. The sound of a baby crying is not easy to ignore. It is not intended to be. I read that a baby’s cry is meant to be disturbing, for it is his most important means of communication which Allah has given to him. Only by crying can he let you know that he needs you to help him – to come to his rescue. It may be that he is hungry, or he may be lonesome for you. He only knows the security of your presence when his body is next to yours; as far as your baby is concerned, you might as well be on Mars as on the other side of the house. Another quote from the Womanly Art of Breastfeeding:

When a baby cries, a nursing mother’s immediate instinctive response is to offer her breast. Whether it’s been ten minutes or two hours since baby was fed, a few minutes of sucking may be all he needs to settle down. Baby’s appetite can vary from day to day, so he may really be crying because he’s hungry. Or perhaps he just wants to comfort of being close to you. Either way, nursing him may be the answer. But what if that’s not what he wants after all? Then you need to check into other solutions. Perhaps its a wet diaper, perhaps he’s too warm, or maybe he’s too cold. Perhaps something he is wearing is causing the problem. It could even be something so tiny such as a rough label on baby’s clothes.

I recall F telling me that Hana would cry and fuss every time before she farts or poos, then obviously its an upset tummy, which a little tummy massage with minyak telon would work like a charm. Other times it was because she was colicky, and so F tried the colic hold, which is officially Hana’s favourite position now. Having said all that, be prepared for that fact that babies are sometimes fretful for reasons no one, not even a mother, can understand. If you can’t calm your baby right away, try not to let it upset you. Don’t take it as a personal rejection of you. The most important thing is to stay calm, and continue singing your lullabys and zikrs. If you (or those around you) get agitated, it rubs off on the little one, so I usually find it more useful locking myself, hubby and Umar up in the room. just hold him close… some babies just have a fretful time of the day (or night), the way we adults have mood swings

Hope this has been helpful. Mommies, please also share your own tips, and F, thanks for egging me to do this post! I’m not sure what else I should share about the early days of breastfeeding that I have not already mentioned in my previous posts, the more pertinent ones linked here:

Playing Catch Up (increasing milk supply)

Five BF Lessons Learnt

My New Help (Breast Pump)

First Day of the Rest of My Working-Nursing Life

Umar’s First Week Anecdotes

On a final note, while breastfeeding is the best gift that you can give your baby, there are special situations that may make breastfeeding difficult, or force a mother to prematurely end the breastfeeding relationship. This includes maternal illness, or babies who cannot demand feed (eg premature babies). For all these circumstances, there is often a need to make an informed decisions, for there are very few and rare conditions of the motherand/or infant in which breastfeeding is not possible. For example, neonatal jaundice may make breastfeeding more challenging as it sometimes demand mother and baby separation. But with the help of a supportive paedatrician and lactation consultant, it should not sabotage your breastfeeding plans. Above all, I guess as with everything else in life, all we can do is plan, and usaha (try our best), but in the end, Allah is the Provider, and He knows the reason behind everything.

Gotta go now…. and to be honest, I’m feeling a little paiseh (embarassed). My husband says I may be too ‘evangelical’ about this whole breastfeeding thing, and maybe he’s right. I just want to share what I learnt but he always makes me feel embarassed about it! Takpelah, evangelical benda baik ok kan?

 

Happygrub’s Chocolate Tart

As you may have noticed, I hardly bake. I used to alot more, before I got married; brownies cakes and cookies, but they are almost always cheat-bakes… from ready-mix boxes, and even off-the-shelf tart base for my pies and tarts. I used to be very proud of my cheesecakes, but since Coffeebean turned halal, I lost the motivation to go through the trouble. I’ve always found baking from scratch too messy, and too much effort, but thanks to Happygrub’s encouragement, I paid Phoon Huat a visit for the first time (baker’s wonderland, and hubby paid too *grin*), hauled my MIL’s mixer out of the cupboard and attempted what I call Happygrub’s Chocolate Tart, cos the recipe is uniquely hers

This tart was Happygrub’s last bake before Baby Hana, and I’ve been bugging her for the recipe ever since. Thanks for finding the time to post it in spite of your hectic mother routine!

I’m reposting the recipe here, in its full glory, with my own notes that I gathered through SOS calls to Happygrub during the baking process. The tart is a layer of shortcrust pastry, topped with a layer of crispy hazelnut milk chocolate or praliné feuilleté, then topped with a dark chocolate glaze. The recipe below will yield two 24 cm tarts.

Shortcrust Pastry Base

The base of the tart was adapted from Gordon Ramsay’s Just Desserts… a Hazelnut Shortbread recipe. One portion of the shortbread would yield two 24 cm tart shells.

Ingredients
200g plain flour
1/4 tsp sea salt
125g unsalted butter, softened
90g caster sugar
1 large free-range egg, beaten
50g finely ground roasted hazelnuts

Method
Cream the butter and sugar together using an electric mixer until smooth and creamy. Gradually work in the egg. With the mixer on its slowest setting, add the flour a spoonful at a time, then the nuts. Stop mixing as soon as the dough comes together. Divide into two and put the dough in two large (1 litre) ziplock bags, roll it out so that it fills the bag and makes a flat square, then freeze it for 1.5hrs. When frozen, cut away the ziplock bags and cut away the sides to the shape of your tart pan. Press the dough into 2 tart pans with false bottoms. Don’t forget to grease the pan all over, including the sides! Prick base all over with a fork, Bake at 180C for 25-30 mins till golden and sounds hollow when tapped. Leave to cool.

Praliné Feuilleté and Dark Chocolate Glaze

Ingredients
Praliné Feuilleté (a Pierre Hermes recipe):
200g Nutella
50g milk chocolate, melted
80g feuilletine (substitute with crèpes gavottes or rice crispies)
15g butter, melted

In a bowl mix the Nutella, melted milk chocolate, feuilettine and melted butter.

Dark Chocolate Glaze:
200g Valrhona Guanaja,melted (I used Phoon Huat’s couverture dark chocolate chips)
2 tablespoons butter, melted

Combine chocolate and butter in a bowl.

Assembly
Spread a layer of the praline feuilette at the base of each tart. Leave to chill in the fridge till firm, at least an hour. Top with chocolate glaze and leave to set for another hour. Before serving, leave tart out to thaw for at least ten minutes.

And that’s the final outcome of my tart (mis)adventures. As you can probably tell from the recipe, from the start till the end, it probably takes at least 4 hours for a nicely set tart, so while I started on Sunday evening, the tart was only ready at midnight on Sunday! So D FINALLY sunk his teeth into it as an after-dinner dessert only last night heh. Hope the looonggg wait was worth it dear!

 

The Tasks of Parenting

I have so much to write on parenthood, that I don’t know where to begin. Yes I am definitely a rookie in this area, having been a parent for all of 9 months. But I thought that if I don’t take time to reflect now, I never will. I was looking at my entries on this blog for the past year or so, and I realised that it has become less and less of a medium to reflect, departing from my original intent of starting a blog in the first place. I could blame it on my hectic schedule, that only leaves me the little time to blog photos and events for the benefit of family and friends who I don’t get to see as often as I want to. But deep down I know that I have just been afraid to write about what occupies my mind most.. the fear of failing this big test and amanah called Parenthood.

Alhamdulillah, it has been a beautiful journey for D, Umar and I so far. But as each day goes by, I know that it would not get easier, nor would our responsibilities get any lighter. Every day I ask myself if I will make a good mother, if I have what it takes to raise our little man (and others to come inshaAllah) to be the khalifah that we hope he will be.

I try to take each “task” at a time…. Because to think about it in terms of the months and years to come would just be overwhelming. So I plan to write this, and future reflective entries as task-based… documenting my experience, reflections, and of course the ever-gratefulness for all that He has bestowed on me, and my family.

So, to begin, the first “task” that I will write about is…

Breastfeeding

Every stage of life that Allah puts us through is no coincidence. He has planned every single event as no less than lessons for us… or call it tarbiyyah if you prefer. And I think the same can be said for every stage of parenting. I was on the phone with F two nights ago, promising her that things WILL get better insha-Allah, and as I hung up I recalled how special those first few weeks was, but also, how stressful. I felt unsure of myself, even abit panicky at times. Even with the help of a super supportive husband, the care of a tiny baby was primarily mine day and night, and the realisation of that was almost overwhelming. Everybody tells you the first few weeks will be crazy, but nobody really tells you how to cope. They say its something you can just pick up, and while that’s true, I think the key thing that kept me going was the realisation that this is how Allah has designed it…

Motivations from the Quran

So, for that I am thankful for Allah’s guidance. Yes He blessed me with great support in the form of hubby, family and friends, but most importantly He guided my heart to be sure that breastfeeding is the best for me and my little nursling. I knew it in my heart, but I needed my reassurances from the Quran… and these are where I found them:

Symbiosis between mother and child is implicit in this verse, which defines this period as lasting for 30 months. Minus 9 months in-utero, that’s another 21 months of breastfeeding, roughly 2 years:

[46:15] We enjoined the human being to honor his parents. His mother bore him arduously, gave birth to him arduously, and took intimate care of him for thirty months. When he reaches maturity, and reaches the age of forty, he should say, “My Lord, direct me to appreciate the blessings You have bestowed upon me and upon my parents, and to do the righteous works that please You. Let my children be righteous as well. I have repented to You; I am a submitter.”

In the following verse is an implicit recommendation that infants be breastfed for 2 years. Though its in the context of the father’s obligations after divorce, it implicitly stresses the importance for the infant to receive human milk, even if the biological mother was indisposed to provide it. Traditionally, they would employ a wet nurse, and the obligation of the father is to pay for the wet nurse, even in the case of divorce.

[2:233] The mothers shall give suck to their offspring for two whole years, if the father desires to complete the term. But he shall bear the cost of their food and clothing on equitable terms. No soul shall have a burden laid on it greater than it can bear….

The more I read breastfeeding books, the more I reflect on how beautifully Allah has designed this special mother and infant relationship, the more determined I was that total breastfeeding is the way to go, and I should try, best as I can, come what may, to refuse any temptation, or persuasion, that my baby should be fed in any other way than from my breast. I remember that this thought struck me as I was nursing little Umar as a 3 day old baby, and he looked at me intently, while I played with his little fingers.. and I thought… “Ya Allah how beautifully you have designed it such that the range of a newborn’s eyesight is exactly that of the distance between his face and mine when I am nursing him”. So in the many difficult and excrutiatingly tiring days that followed, as those free tins (not packs, but tins!) of formula kept beckoning me, one thought that stuck in my mind kept me going… “If I supplement with formula, I’ll never get to 2 years.. I’ll never get to 2 years”.

Supplementing Guidance with His Knowledge

But divine Guidance alone would not suffice to survive the breastfeeding journey. Especially since its not mandatory, but only “encouraged”. I guess Allah knows each of us has different limits and abilities. But its important to take the ability as a given from the start, cos very few moms actually do not have the ability to breastfeed either due to medical or poverty reasons (malnutrition). So once the motivation is there, where are the “hows”. Not only did the Quran not say anything on total vs partial breastfeeding, it also doesn’t tell you the other technical things like how to latch, it doesn’t tell us about all the other complications like jaundice, sore nips, engorgement, etc. But as I look back on those first few weeks, its actually very very simple, and Allah has made it so simple. Once you are certain, set your niat right and look at the whole motherhood journey, not only breastfeeding but everything that follows, as an ibadah, everything just falls into place.

As with everything else in life, knowledge is key, and we are blessed today with so much literature on how to overcome every single difficulty known to breastfeeding mommies, and lactation consultants just a call (and $100) away Oh sod lactation consultants, just look for fellow breastfeeding mommy friends who would be more than happy to help you to their best of their knowledge and abilities. And for that I am thankful to Allah for my Azma and Nan, and the only way I can “return” the favour is to help other breastfeeding mommies the way they helped me in my early days Through encouraging sms-es, SOS calls, practical nursing gifts, and many more. The most useful gift for a breastfeeding mom I think is a good breastfeeding book.. one which reads as a persuasive narrative, and is really more than a book about breastfeeding, but breastfeeding as a parenting style. Apart from The Complete Book of Breastfeeding that I blogged about earlier, the other book which is a personal fav of mine and I am STILL reading is the classic by La Leche League “The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding“.

Keeping Umar Close

So ok, breastfeeding is surely not the only challenge of early days of motherhood. Sure, I agree. But I think its the one challenge that if you focus hard on it and are successful, it will help you through all other challenges. Cos I am a firm believer that breastfeeding played a key role in helping me overcome ALL my insecurities about caring for a newborn. A breastfeeding mom has such frequent contact with her little one that she is attuned to her little nursling’s needs.There is a beautiful simplicity about the care of a young baby that does not apply at any other stage of childrearing. With sureness we can say that a baby’s wants are a baby’s needs. The wants of a two or three year old may not always be what he needs, but with a newborn, you can be sure that if he cries, he needs you. In “The Heart Has Its Own Reasons”, Mary Ann Cahill, one of La Leche League’s founders, talks about the needs of a newborn:

From living in the womb with the umbilical cord supplying all his needs, he has progressed to a position outside, but near, his mothers’ body. He is meant to be within close proximity of her warm breast and the sound of her voice. It is nature’s careful way of providing transition from the infant’s old world to this new one. The little newcomer has the freedom needed to grow, yet is assured of continuous, loving support. The all important mother-child bond replaces the umbilical cord.

As I read texts like these, all I have to do is replace the word “nature” with “Allah”… and subhan-Allah what reflective beauty it brings to my experience as a nursing mom. As insecure as I was about motherhood, breastfeeding left me no choice but to stay close to my little Umar… it means sacrificing rest, sleep, meals, shorter baths. I nursed him on demand… carried him in the sarong sling around the house cos he just refused to be put down. This was also motivated by what I read about a study that found that the more human contact makes for a happier baby. Babies who spend more time being held and carried – even while contented or asleep – cried less. It confirmed what my motherly instincts told me, that plenty of loving contact does not “spoil” a baby or make him more demanding.. and it helped me fight off all well-meaning advice from elders that I am feeding or carrying Umar “too much” and would make him “manja” (spoiled).

As Umar grows up so quickly before my eyes now, as he starts showing signs of independence, I can’t help but reminisce and be grateful for those moments when he wanted me to hold him all the time, nurse him for hours on end… when the rhythms of my heartbeat alone could calm him… when hearing my voice singing “SubhanAllah, walhamdulillah, walailaha illah, allahu akbar” would put him to sleep (these days, he needs more persuasion!). During those early days, I was his world.

I gotta run now.. but here’s one for you F. You have passed the critical 4 week mark (well some say 6 is the magic number) alhamdulillah, and I promise you it will get easier. As Baby Hana’s little personality emerge, the fun begins. There will be little smiles and love pats, and like Su mentioned in one of her posts (was it on FB?), that priceless moment when your little nursling reaches out her little hand to touch your face, and you give those teeny palm a kiss. Umar’s favourite right now is when I pretend-bite his little hands, threatening to gobble it up… I love seeing him trying to laugh while nursing, starting with the hints of a smile at the edges of his mouth, then throwing his head back with little chuckles..

To be continued…

 

And The Hiatus Ends Here!

For a while, I thought I lost the will to blog. The past month has been so eventful that by right, I should have loads to blog about, but instead I find myself merely making mental notes “I should write about this… and that” but never actually found time to sit down and do it! I am posting this to get over this blog hiatus and inertia by making a public promise to friends and fellow bloggers on what I owe.

Lets see.. what has happened since the last time I blogged till now…

- The month-long of Eid visiting: Apart from posting my Eid pics, I’ve been meaning to write about tips to ensure a contented little baby during long long days of visiting (would apply to other day trips, large family events eg weddings)

- The arrival of a very special little person Baby Hana (of Happygrub). I had the honour of being part of the events leading up to her birth, and the very very special days that followed. Being part of F’s journey as a new fully breastfeeding mom brought back many beautiful memories of my own first few months with Umar, and all the challenges that came with it. Plan to write on some of them, both to reminisce and to share with my soon to be mommy friends on what may help you survive the first month as a contented mommy and nursling.

- Umar had his first swimming lesson, just yesterday! I definitely owe an entry and pics on this!

- Umar turned 9 months old! This is actually the primary reason why this blog has been so quiet. Umar has been keeping me very occupied! In his 8 to 9th month Umar went through a whirlwind of development alhamdulillah! He learnt to crawl, cut his first tooth, responds to verbal request (wave bye-bye, kisses) and exhibits signs of developing emotional and social relations (look upset when I go to work, laughs out loud when he’s happy, responds to my frowns and “no”s). I should REALLY try harder to document his development before they are overtaken by more and more exciting ones. In the meantime here is a sneak peek of him at 9 months. More on my Facebook album.

So there you go… my promises on entries to come… insha-Allah! Make encouraging sounds to motivate me will you?

 

The Lil’ Grinch Who Stole Raya

There’s a reason why while the rest of the world on Facebook (or so it seems) were uploading lovely Eid photos, I was blogging about baby food and spaghetti recipes.

Cos… our Lil ‘Umar was the grinch who stole Raya! He caught the flu poor boy, so my memories of the first two days of Eid are limited to nursing a clingy baby, nappy changes at every single house (awful awful loose stools), and feeble attempts to take photos of my pale and squirmy little one. I later decided to abandon my new camera and just tend to the poor little boy’s need to be fed and held all the time..

‘Umar has since recovered alhamdulillah so hope to take some decent family photos when I go visiting with my maternal family tomorrow. In the meantime.. here’s our limited collection of the first and second day of Eid

 

In Anticipation…

This morning, I say thank you Allah, for my girlfriends of 14 years

This one baby gets all the attention for now…

But with intense competition yet to come…

We were privileged to enjoy what may very well be F’s last bake before the baby…

We all can’t wait to meet her!

 

Anchovies in My Spaghetti

After 2 days of rendang and all other related coconut-based Eid dishes, I decided to whip up a simple pasta dish for hubby’s dinner last night. This is a departure from D’s usual cream-based favourites, as it uses tomato and anchovies as a base. Recipe below inspired by my personal gourmet guru Happygrub (again!).. but slightly modified cos hubby’s doesn’t like his pasta with too much tomato. Serves 4.

Ingredients
10 scallops
8 mussels
10 prawns (peeled, with tail intact)
5 cloves of garlic, minced
3 tablespoons olive oil
5 medium diced tomatoes
6 anchovy fillets, diced
1 tablespoon black pepper
1 tablespoon tamarind sauce
Salt to taste
Chopped basil and grated parmigianno to serve

Method
Fry garlic till golden brown, add anchovies. Put in all the tomatoes and seafood, and simmer till sauce thickens. Season to taste. Toss in pasta just before serving and top with cheese and chopped basil.

Here’s the anchovies I bought from Cold Storage. Couldn’t resist snapping a pic of it cos the packaging is so pretty…

 

Baby Chicken Casserole

Nope, these aren’t Hari Raya delicacies. These are ‘Umar’s lunch in ice cube containers, waiting to be frozen.

I made him these lovely Gina Ford’s chicken casserole (recipe below) yesterday, and he absolutely loves it. I made them in a large batch that can be frozen and kept for about 2 weeks. Erm… I’ve been secretly experimenting with recipes from Gina Ford’s The Contented Little Baby Food of Weaning, given to me by my SIL (thanks Kak Long!). Anti GF mummies, please don’t shoot me. I know her methods are controversial, and I myself had some doubts when I first read her book, cos it sure did not seem pro-BF, but alhamdulillah, as with everything else in “baby-wisdom”, buang yang keruh, ambil yang jernih (take what’s good and discard the bad). I’ve found some of her methods to be very sensible, and I really appreciate the step-by-step, day-by-day weaning guidelines. Now my dear BF-mummies, I know what you’re thinking. Don’t read the word “weaning” to mean “weaning off the breast”.. cos what it really means is simply introducing new foods into the diet of your little nursling, to develop healthy eating habits, while still getting his primary source of nutrition from you

I’ve not written much about ‘Umar and solids before, mainly because I know there is a broad range of wisdom on the subject, and I didn’t want to invite a slew of comments from readers about what works and what doesn’t. Every baby is different, has different preferences and eating habits, so I don’t think there is one foolproof method. But alhamdulillah, I personally find that GF’s method of gradually introducing baby to a wide variety of foods with different textures and tastes has worked very well, and he’s a contented little eater so far (hope he stays this way!). Even when he was ill these past few days, he fed very well, given healthy yet tasty chicken casseroles, fish porridges, and cereals with fruits such as apples, bananas, pears.

Other first foods that ‘Umar enjoys are avocado, butternut pumpkin and sweet potato. We completely avoid buying commercial baby jars of food, cos homemade purees are just healthier and so much fun too. We did buy organic baby cereal at first, but I found that making brown rice or oatmeal porridges from scratch is a much cheaper and more wholesome alternative. Alot of the cereals in the stores (esp Nestle) has cow’s milk mixed in for convenience, which is really unfortunate. And sugar too! Awful awful.

So after 2 months introducing solids, I’m happy to report that he’s eating 3 homecooked meals a day now, with 10 oz of EBM while I’m away at work. I have no worries that his solids will interfere with breastfeeding, cos he still nurses very well when I get home. GF’s claim that her method will reduce night feeds don’t realy hold true for ‘Umar.. he still wakes up a few times at night to be fed and cuddled. I have no complaints though, I have accepted it as one of the joys of a nursing mommy’s life (trust me, once you embrace it, it won’t upset you.. you will effortlessly feed and go back to sleep with your contented little nursling in your arms).

For mummies who are looking for some good guidelines to introducing solids and developing good eating habits, I recommend the book! I’m also open to other book suggestions if you know of more BF-friendly books on solids

As promised, here’s the recipe:

Chicken Casserole
2 chicken fillets
1 small onion
2 carrots
1 parsnip
2 potatoes
300ml homemade chicken stock (unsalted)

Fry onion lightly, add chicken and cook until sealed. Transfer to a casserole dish and add the rest of the ingredients. Cover with a lid and cook for 45-50 mins, until tender. Puree or mash it, depending on how your baby likes it.

For ‘Umar, I just mashed them cos we are trying to introduce him to pulsed food, so that he gets used to the varied texture of different foods. I read that giving purees to babies older than 7 months will make them lazy to chew, and they may also lose interest in food cos everything is the same pureed texture, and less colourful/interesting…. babies enjoy variety as much as we adults do

 

Co-Sleeping

This is my desktop wallpaper at the moment…

 

And it Dwindles

Ugh. I can feel (and see) my milk dwindling. It has been 4 days away from ‘Umar. I’m just so miserable pumping away here. No matter how often I try to express (I even wake up in the middle of the night), its just not the same. ‘Umar’s not coping well today too; he’s having nappy rash for the first time, and just caught a cough

I’m finally going home in the wee hours of tomm morning insha-Allah. Managed to get an earlier flight out. I just attempted to pack and I am at my wits end trying to make room for the milk in my check-in luggage. With all the meeting documents and nursing equipment, I barely have space for my clothes! I don’t know what I’ll do. I’d probably have to express at the airport and on the plane too.. ugh such a hassle. Not looking forward to that. I hate expressing at airports or on planes, and I hate carrying the heavy equipment on my carry-on luggage even more.

On the bright side, I met 3 other nursing-travelling-fasting moms during my meetings here. I’m at regional meetings, so these mommies were counterparts from Malaysia and Indonesia. Its funny that each of us thought we were alone in our “endeavour” until one of us (me) started talking about (my) baby in the lift and then we realised we all had kids under a year old and still nursing. So the conversation turned to expressing, storing, supply etc. I felt so relieved to have people to talk to abt all these, and knowing I’m not alone also motivated me somewhat.

Alhamdulillah, the end is near. To be honest, I’ve had a pretty good rest here, indulging in little things like reading, taking long showers, catching up on emails, spending quiet time with Him. But I really can’t wait to go home to my little nursling. Here’s a pic of our video call last night. The wonders of technology See you tomorrow sayang, insha-Allah!