I’m one of those “aksyen-terror” girls. Essentially what this means is I fancy myself to be some brand of superwoman; strong, fuss-free and active. I’d frown upon any suggestion that I should ’slow down’, I’d be amused when other women complain of headaches and tiredness, and I’d mock an angry retort at considerate male colleagues who offer me seats, or assistance in carrying files etc… saying “I’m pregnant, NOT handicapped!”.

But those days are over. It struck me this week one morning when A, a mother of one, asked me… “So how does it feel carrying your child everywhere you go? You know its practice for later right?”. This was after she bumped into me at our office lobby; I imagine I looked exhausted, even if its only the start of my working day and I have walked all of 10mins from where D parked our car.

Now that I’m starting to get heavy, I’ve come to terms with the fact that I MUST slow down. I’ve abandoned my heels as of this week, and I now walk slowly, no longer the hurried purposeful strides I had before. I now appreciate better the small gestures of those around me; for eg the attentive security officers at my office building who would beep open the special security gantry for me when I walk in and out of the building. This is the wide gantry used when trolleys have to pass through, so I felt embarrassed when they first started doing this some time back, muttering to my colleagues “but I’m not THAT big!”. I understood later that the officers do this to save me the hassle of rummaging my purse for my employee pass, and because the usual smaller gantries may shut on me and hurt me, the way our MRT gantries have a knack of doing. So sweet of them right?

Talking about MRTs, though I get my fair share of attentive, considerate people giving up seats to me on the train (or asking others to, if they themselves are not seated), I experienced today how unbearable it can be when there aren’t such people around you. It was one of the rare days when D could not pick me up from work, so I had to take the train. I stood from Bugis to Kallang near the door, cos the train was packed. After Kallang, I inched nearer to the middle, where the seats were, in the hope of being given a seat, cos my feet were aching. Everyone seated in front of me were either sleeping or had their head down reading, or chatting. No one noticed me… at least none of the sitting people. The standing people probably did, but chose not to do anything about it. Oh wait, they did move a step or two to make space for big me. But well, that’s it.

That’s when it happened. The woman sitting right in front of me opened her eyes, waking from her sleep. I saw her look at me, glance down my body, and guess what, she quickly shut her eyes back to sleep! I suddenly felt really depressed! I guess its the combination of being exhausted from work, my aching feet, and the fact that I was carrying 3 bags of stuff. They weren’t heavy, but with my hands occupied it was hard for me to hold on to something for balance. I stayed standing for some time, and only managed to get a seat when someone near me alighted at Kembangan. By that time I had to zikr silently to calm myself, cos I was still angry at the world for not giving me a seat! Heh. Had to mentally list all the things I must be grateful for, so as not to get too worked up about one incident, since there are many others that proved Singaporeans can be gracious, considerate people.

Don’t you just appreciate your mothers so much more now people? Most of our mothers were all working women throughout their pregnancies, and back then they didn’t have cars and public transport system was a lot less developed. Their jobs were also not the desk-bound type like mine now. I know my mom was working in a production environment at a chip manufacturing company, and my MIL was a teacher, both jobs requiring them to be on their feet most of the day. No they didn’t have domestic help back then either, so this meant they worked, cooked, and cleaned. And they didn’t even have a 4 month maternity break to look forward to! Talk about superwomen :)

Countdown – 10 Weeks: This week we made our first big purchase for Lil’ One, a portable Graco bassinet cum playpen that comes in a colour that goes with our room. We’re very pleased with our purchase! Its practical and sturdy insyaAllah. Btw, for non moms or moms-to-be friends, don’t worry this is not the first of many what-I-bought-for-my-baby today kind of entry! Just thought I’d start doing a weekly countdown as my personal note to self! Yikes so fast dah left only 10 weeks!